How to Deal With Harassing Phone Calls From Ex
You’ve recently broken up with your partner. Now, every time your phone rings, cold sweat covers you from head to toe — you dread even looking at the screen. You know it’s him or her calling.
If you’re being tormented by your ex-partner’s attempts to contact you post-breakup—whether it’s through harassing phone calls, text messages, or emails—know that you’re far from alone in it. Partner or intimate stalking is the largest category of stalking cases, according to a study conducted by the National Criminal Justice Reference Service (NCJRS). The study revealed that between 4.8% and 14.5% of women aged 18 and above report being stalked by an intimate (former) partner.
Is My Ex-Boyfriend Harassing Me or Not?
It can take a long time for the victims to realize what’s happening to them, so it’s essential to educate yourself on what it means when somebody’s harassing you. Harassment can occur online, in person, or through phone calls. It can be sexual or discriminatory, and take place at work, on the street, or—perhaps most disturbingly—at home.
Repeated harassment can qualify as stalking or, if it’s taking place online, cyberstalking. If you think you may be a victim of stalking, find out how to stop a stalker. It’s also useful to know how to obtain a restraining order so that your stalker cannot come near you or call you again.
What action you decide to take against your ex-partner depends solely on you. While some victims of domestic violence only want the harassment to stop, others may wish their abuser to be charged and prosecuted. If the latter is the case, you should report the harassment to the police, have the court issue a restraining order, and file a lawsuit against your former partner.
Who Is an Intimate Stalker?
We tend to think of a stalker as a creepy, socially inept guy who develops an obsession over a beautiful stranger, surreptitiously following her around and going through her trash. In reality, stalkers are, in most cases, individuals that the victims are well-acquainted with. In fact, the victim and the stalker usually have a romantic history between them. This type of stalker is known as the intimate stalker. This is the most common and dangerous type of stalker that poses the highest risk of violence to the victim.
Australian psychologist Paul Mullen is known for his groundbreaking work in the typification of stalkers. When we look at his work on the psychology behind intimate stalking, two main types of profile emerge:
- The rejected stalker
- The resentful stalker
The Rejected Stalker
The rejected stalker is someone who has been seriously hurt by a relationship split. The rejected stalker will first try to do anything to get the ex-boyfriend or girlfriend back. When they don’t succeed, they turn to vindictive behavior and start harassing their former partner.
The Resentful Stalker
The resentful stalker feels like great injustice has been done to them, so they see themselves as the victim. What drives them is a strong urge to take revenge, which often leads to harassing behavior aimed at their ex.
How to Manage Harassing Phone Calls From Ex-Partners
The most essential thing is to keep a cool head. You need to be able to think clearly and to keep yourself safe at all times. If you feel that you’re in imminent danger, call 911; if you believe that things have gone out of hand, you should report the harassment to the police together with the evidence you collected.
Here is a helpful list of some other things you should and should not do if your former partner is harassing you over the phone:
|
Do: | Don’t: |
| Calmly ask them to stop calling you |
Pick up the phone |
|
Block all of their phone numbers on your phone | Post publicly or talk openly about your plans and daily routines |
| Keep a log of all other calls that manage to go through |
Feel guilty or responsible for their behavior towards you |
|
Change your phone number if necessary |
Succumb to pressure and agree to get back together in order to stop the abuse |
|
Tell other people in your life that you trust about the harassment | Underestimate the seriousness of the harassment, especially if your ex has a history of violence or assault |
| Inform the police if you’re afraid for your safety |
Try to take revenge against them or harass them back |
How to Stop an Ex-Boyfriend From Harassing You With DoNotPay
Your ex may be hurting and likely doesn’t know how to process his or her emotions in a healthy way. While that might be true, it’s not your job or responsibility to suffer harassment or abuse from them. Remember that it’s not your fault that this is happening to you. Not just that, but you should take their harassing behavior seriously and take immediate action against it.
If you don’t know where to begin, DoNotPay can give you a hand. The first step is to send your ex a cease and desist letter that will act as a formal request for them to stop their misconduct.
Follow these steps:
- Open the DoNotPay app in your
- Click on Relationship Protection
- Choose Explore Relationship Services
- Select Safety and Stalking, then hit Let’s Do It
- Opt for Stalking from the provided options
- Answer the chatbot’s questions the best you can
Once our chatbot gets all the necessary information, it will come up with a cease and desist letter on your behalf. This will be addressed and sent to your ex-partner.
The purpose of the cease and desist letter is to:
- Demand the harasser to stop (cease) with their harassment immediately
- Request the harasser to not restart (desist) their misconduct
If your ex persists in their behavior, the letter will prove as evidence that you’ve tried to resolve the issue yourself. It will warn the harasser that you will proceed with formal legal action against them in the form of a police report or lawsuit if the harassment continues.
Online Stalking/Harassment
If you’re being harassed or stalked by your ex on the internet, DoNotPay will contact the social media website where the abuse took place:
- We will report the person for online harassment and stalking, so their account and activity on that platform gets investigated and eventually suspended
- We will request the online platform to block your ex-partner, so he or she isn’t able to get in touch with you on the internet again
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